Close my eyes and count to ten
by Heartbreak82
Summary: "What?" He stared down at the fragile frame in front of him. "What the hell do you want from me?" He almost spat the words out. He could feel his temper rising. A temper that almost always got the better of him. *Bourton*slash*


Close my eyes and count to ten

"What?" He stared down at the fragile frame in front of him.

"What the hell do you want from me?" He almost spat the words out. He could feel his temper rise. A temper that almost always got the better of him.

""Do you need some help with Vince? Do you want a push for your career? Or do you just want to hang out with the main event?" He could feel his blood rushing through his body. He knew it. He knew he would loose it.

"Or do you just wanna be able to say that you FUCKED Randy Orton? I have news for you. That is something that almost the whole company can say as well. It doesn't make you one bit special. Just not one little bit. Just shows what kind of a slut you are, really." He looked down at the person in front of him. He waited for a reaction. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to make him feel the pain. He wanted him to go away. He wanted this feelings to go away.

"Say something. For gods sake. Just say something." He could feel his breath coming heavily. He could see that it took the small man's last ounce of power not to loose it as well. He tried to stay calm but it cost him so much.

"What do you want me to say?" Evan stared back up to the taller man but didn't back down just one bit.

"You have made up your mind already and you know what I want. And it scares you shitless." He laughed but it sounded too bitter in his ears. "Who would have thought that the little Highflyer Evan Bourne could make the almighty Viper shivering with fear? If it wouldn't be so tragic it would almost be hilarious."

Randy turned away. As sudden as his anger had come it faded away. He just felt exhausted. How did he do this? Why did he always ended up in situations like this.

"I am not scared." His voice was low.

"What is it then? Why are you doing this to me? You are killing me here. You know that, right?" Evan sounded more desperate than he wanted to. But he couldn't do this any more. He loved the older man with all his heart but sometimes he just wondered if that would ever be enough.

"I know. I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I am bad news. You would be better off without me in your life." Slowly he slided down the wall opposite Evan and hid his face in his hands.

"Don't Randy. Just don't." Evan was not even able to move anymore. What can you say to a person you have told everything a million time before.

"But it's true. I hurt you. I can't be with you in public. I don't even have the guts to tell my friends." He sighed silently. "What the hell do you want from me? I don't even want to be around myself most of the day. Why do you want to? Why?" Randy sounded desperate. Evan slowly stepped over to him and sat down next to him.

"Do you want me to be honest?" He starred at his hands.

"Yes." Randy swallowed hard.

"Even though you might not like the answer?" Randy just closed his eyes and nodded. Was it really so bad?

"I have no clue why I am with you. I have no idea why I can't stay away. I mean it is still early days and I am certainly not going to freak you out with the big L-word." He chuckled.

"But I guess it's about the way you make me feel the moment I am close to you. I really don't care about your position in the company. I know that you have influence but I am vain enough to believe that I don't need you for making it into the main event."

Evan took a deep breath before continuing. He didn't know how Randy felt about him. He didn't even know what this thing was between them. They were practical strangers a few month ago, but everything that he knew was that he didn't want to be without the other man anymore. He couldn't think about a day without Randy's stupid text messages or phone calls. He couldn't think about not being able to steal a kiss from him when he was sure no one was around. He just couldn't think about having the Viper not in his life anymore.

"I don't care if you are the most handsome man on planet earth although I want to say that it definitely has it advantages that I fancy the pants off you." Evan was sure that he saw a quick smile on Randy's face.

"For me it's really about how I feel when I am with you. You make me so happy, you make me feel alive and hell we have so much fun together. And I really don't just mean in bed." He carefully nudged the other man in his rips.

"When we are together it just feels right. It feels perfect. I can't think about anyone else I want to spend so much time with. Normally I get so bored with people but with you it's like a never ending adventure. I want to know you better. I want to know everything about you. I want to know what makes you laugh. I wants to know where you are ticklish most. I want... Oh god, I sound like such a girl right now." Evan laughed. He knew that he was cheesy. He knew that he has stepped over every boundary their relationship had in the last few month. But he didn't care. Randy wanted to know what he wanted and he would tell him. If he wouldn't be able to handle this then so be it but he just needed to tell him. Once and for all.

"I don't know if I make sense. I really don't and I don't know what this is what we have between us. But I don't want it to end." His voice got more quiet. "Not now."

Evan just looked down on the floor. He just poured his heart out in front of the guy who even freaked out when asked if he could leave his toothbrush in his bathroom. Evan knew that this was a risky step to take but hell with this man every step felt like a gamble anyway.

He waited for Randy to talk, to say something. But the older man just kept quiet.

"Randy." Evan's voice sounded desperated. "Please, just say something. Anything."

"What do you want me to say?" Randy answered monotonous.

"Don't know. Maybe what you are thinking right now. I..." Evan could feel the panic rising inside him. He never should have said anything. He should have just gone away like he normally did when Randy had one of his fits. Just walk away and let him cool off. Just let him come to you afterwards. Let him be the hunter.

"I just don't know what to think." His heart started sinking.

"I mean what are you saying to something like this. No one ever said something like this to me. God, Evan..." Randy was not able to meet his gaze and played nervously with his fingers.

"Okay. I think I understand." Evan swallowed hard before standing up. "You don't need to say anything. Maybe it's better if we just keep quiet about this. I think I better go." He started walking to the door.

"No Evan. Wait!" Just in a second Randy was behind him. He could feel the heat coming from his body.

"Wait? Wait for what?" He closed his eyes. "For you to tell me: Sorry, Evan. I didn't think you would take all this serious? Sorry for breaking your heart but thanks but no thanks. I really don't think that I need to stick around for that. Thanks." He didn't notice at first how sarcastic he had been. He really thought he would have been okay with been rejected by the other man but that was just in theory. In practice he had lost his heart to this terrible man a long, long time ago and now handing his heart over to him to just be rejected hurt as hell.

Quickly he tried to get through the door. He didn't want to cry in front of Randy. He had humiliated himself enough for one day. He didn't need this as well. But he was hold back by two strong arms and a soft pair of lips touching gently his ear.

"You misunderstood me completely, my little idiot." Evan shuddered. He could feel his hot breath on his skin and he tried to fight the urge to just melt into his embrace.

"You so misunderstood me." Randy just tightened the grip around Evan's little waist. "No one ever said something like this to me. It was always about me being famous, me having influence and yes, as vain as it sounds, about me being handsome. I can count the people who cared for me as a person, on one hand. Most people don't bother to look behind this façade of mine. Who wants to put up with an annoying moody prick who is so full of himself that it almost hurts? No one wants that. So they don't even take the time to look further than that."

"I do." Evan whispered and was rewarded with a little kiss behind his ear.

"I know that and yes, I was lying earlier. Because it scares me so much that you get me. That you really see me behind all this attitude. You see the real me. And as much as I enjoy it it scares me so much." Randy closed his eyes and lent his head against Evan's neck.

"But why? It's a good thing isn't it? That we can see each other for what we are. We don't see the stereotypes that people have about us. We can really see each other." Evan was still confused. What did this mean? What did this mean for their relationship?

"You really don't understand, do you?" He laughed gently but it didn't sound right. "You can see right through me. For you I am an open book even though we just know each other for this short while. It's brilliant, it feels amazing. But it makes me so vulnerable. It makes me so small and needy. It's just a dangerous game that we are playing here. That I am playing." He sighed.

"I don't know about you. But I am certainly not playing." Evan swallowed hard. "What is this really about, Randy?"

Randy took a deep breath. Now or never.

"What happens when this doesn't go anywhere? What happens if you are fed up with my mood swings? What happens when you leave me? What then?"Randy could feel how he started to shiver, just slowly but it got worse. He tried to leave the embrace but Evan stopped him.

"I don't know what happens then." Evan answered truthfully. "I don't know what happens next week, next month or next year. But I can promise you one thing: I am not playing any games. I am dead serious about this. I really didn't want to fall for you. Not like this, not so hard. But I can't help it. Everytime you lay next to me I close me eyes and count to ten and when I open them I am just so surprised to find you still next to me. This past few months were the best in my entire life. I can't promise you forever but I can promise you that I will try. I just don't know if that is enough for you." He could feel the tall figure behind him slowly relaxing.

"Evan?" Randy's voice was low and quiet.

"Yeah?" Evan smiled. He knew it was over. Everything would be alright.

"How are you doing this?" Randy just pulled the younger man closer to him." How do you always make me feel like I am the best guy in the world?"

"Hm." Evan just relaxed a bit more and enjoyed the sensation of being in his arms again. "I think it's because you make me feel like this every single second of the day."

"Do I?" Randy kissed his ear again and he could feel the goosebumps running over his body.

"Yep. Every single day."

Randy took a deep breath and sighed. He didn't know what he had done to deserve a guy like Evan but he wouldn't complain anymore. Oh for god's sake, of course he would complain again. He would question everything again and he would start to pick a fight as soon as he would feel like it. He knew that he was terrible to live with and that not just one person had run out on him because of this behaviour.

But it looked like he had found his master. Who would have guessed that this would be a small highflyer with geek glasses and the biggest grin in world history? Who would have thought that it would be Evan Bourne?


End file.
